the-gooch.net Blog

OK, this is a little longer than my regular blog entry, so I hope I don’t bore too many of you with it, but here it is for your reading pleasure, anyway… First is a list of generalizations, which I usually hate, but in this case I’ll let it slide, because there’s something to be said for cathartic processes such as writing, online complaining and the occasional whine session (as long as it doesn’t become too noisome). In that spirit, here are some things have caught my attention after being deployed here for 40 days (yes, it’s been that long)…

 

You know you’ve been deployed awhile when…

1. Certain bathroom stalls become so familiar that you notice if changes to the local graffiti have occurred and get mad when the changes make no sense.*^{[Seriously, there are whole conversations on some of the stalls that range from games of Tic-Tac-Toe to insulting unknown persons to questioning the meaning of life…]}

2. You start referring to days according to the meal being served for dinner (i.e. steak night, spaghetti night, Mexican night, etc). * ^{[Currently, steak night is my favorite, which happens to be Wednesday night, I believe…]}

3. You see the people that work around you in passing on an hourly basis because everyone’s on an excess-water-regulated restroom schedule.* ^{[Yeah, it’s almost like a line of ants that have found a lone picnic basket…]}

4. Everyday seems like the last and the only real differences are in the degree of busy-ness that occupies your time.* ^{[SSDD takes on a life of its own here!]}

5. You count your time served in weeks rather than days because that seems 1/7^th as long (we’re in week 5 of 16!).* ^{[I tried going with days, but that just seemed to take so long and too much memory to remember which day we’re on.]}

6. There are only two local brands of water to choose from and you have a favorite, to include a nickname for said water (My favorite is Arwa water, which is a product of the Coca Cola Company… We call it High Quality H₂O).* ^{[Yes, this is a quote from ‘Waterboy’ and you can certainly, “…do it all night long!!!” ]}

7. Three Bacardi Breezers gives you a nice buzz when those were just the warm-up drinks before deploying… (three drinks/night is what we’re allowed here… nice).* ^{[Can’t wait to get back! Who’s the DD?]}

8. You start praying that the cleaners put the laundry tags in a place where the residual glue won’t make you itch in the middle of the day… (this can be very conspicuous when your underoos make you itch, hahaha!)* ^{[You don’t notice the tags, at first, but then a corner starts to poke into your skin and then…]}

9. You define the time of day by meals served and mark time as such (i.e, 20 minutes to lunch, 10 minutes to dinner)… Breakfast is at the beginning, lunch is mid-way, and dinner means it’s time to go home!* ^{[meals are currently getting boring, so I’m trying different veggies and applying minor differences in toppings and such—oh, and a big THANK YOU to Paul and his mom for the different sauces… delicioso!!!]}

10. Finding books stashes, movie stashes, or music stashes is the equivalent of hitting the jackpot and you almost jump up and down when you find something new.* ^{[The movie and music caches are ‘virtual’, right now, as they exist online, but the book stashes are all over the place, to include packages delivered every now and then as donations to the base library…]}

Things that suddenly become annoying…

1. Hydration: You never knew how inconvenient it is for pregnant women to have to run to the restroom like clockwork until you are hydrating, as directed, in this environment. * ^{[It’s just funny watching the steady stream of people making their way to and from the cadillacs (portable latrines) which are a good 3 minutes march from whatever office you’re in]}

2. Spitting: I used to think that spitting, in general was gross, but acceptable in certain situations (that loogie that you cough up when running or during sports) but what is it with spitting into the urinal when you prepare to take care of business? Nasty! * ^{[What I’m always thinking of here is the tendency for spit to be dry at times, then form that rainbow bridge that just won’t break… You know, the ‘magic loogie’… Ewwww…]}

3. Inconsiderate bathroom people: Who, in their right mind, would find it acceptable to go into the bathroom, shave their head w/ clipper, or worse yet, their back hair (true story) and then just leave the hair bits all over the dang floor and on/in the sink? Some people never learn manners. * ^{[Weren’t these people taught to clean up their own messes? I had to wipe down two counters the other day just so I could brush my teeth. I hope I can catch one of these lazy bastidges and make those fargin ice-holes clean up their fargin’ messes.]}

4. Why sell t-shirts, shorts, tank tops, etc. that are not allowed to be worn here, then demand that PT uniforms be worn and not have enough of them in stock for people to buy enough of what they need? * ^{[There were groups of us that were panicking over the fact that the PT shorts are in short supply over here, as are the t-shirts. Very few people can fit into what’s in-stock, simply because the shorts are, in reality, 1-2 sizes smaller than marked]}

5. Why must new friends move away so soon? It sucks that you meet such good people and would like to hang out and get to know them better and then they up and bug-out to head home to their families and loved ones… Godspeed and safe travel to all—that means you, Jon.

 

Dude, where’s my stash?

So, I’ve been not shaving my upper lip for about two weeks now, and it doesn’t look too much hairier than it did a week ago. I think that my face doesn’t want that wee bit of hair to take root—it’s staging a hair ‘walk-out’. I’ll try and post a pic on here, Monday (as an amendment) so you can see the lack of progress for yourself. So, as my last bit of complaining for this blog, let me just say that I am both disheartened and relieved that this moustache is not coming in. Disheartened because I want to have the option of growing one, but relieved because I now know that I don’t really have to worry too much about ever growing one… Oh, and my hair is almost all grown back now… I think I’ll start brushing it this week and next week maybe work a light bit of gel into it, just to be stylish.

 

…and that’s a wrap!

Please note, that my minor and inconsequential complaints in no way mean that I am not having a good time here at < Name of base withheld >. As a matter of fact, I’m sure that there are plenty of worse places to be and worse situations that I can be in, but as is the human condition, we get used to certain creature comforts and habits, and when they’re disrupted we tend to lash out in some manner. My way of lashing out against the change is in these complaints. I’ve got more books to read than I can shake a stick at, the food is damn good, and I have a great working environment. I love my job and the people that I’m working with are fantastic. Matter of fact, this is the first time I’ve gotten to work practically side by side with an Army soldier and that guy’s a blast. Reenlist!

The absurdity and necessity of emotion

When I read in that papers how so-and-so tried to kill his/her wife/husband in a jealous rage because said husband or wife was ending the marriage in favor of another relationship, I used to shake my head and write it all off as ignorance or lack of education. This latest story, though, of the astronaut that tried to kidnap and kill a rival suitor simply floored me. Here we have a female Navy and Air Force Captains (I have to wonder if this is correct, though… Could it be a Navy O-3 and an Air Force O-3, which is a Navy Lieutenant and an Air Force Captain? A Navy Captain is an O-6!) vying for the affection of another man. All three are astronauts (it doesn’t matter to me what rank the guy is… I just wanna know how to get two women to fight over me!), which means they’re subjected to all sorts of rigorous testing and are supposed to be able to handle stress better than the average person. That’s what they do. That’s what they train for. To see one of these people, our “Best of the Best,” behave in such a manner is simply beyond my understanding. When I think back to the few times in my own life when I lost control of my reasoning faculties, I can remember treacherous thoughts entering my mind but just as quickly being dismissed as, “That’s pretty damn stupid.” Now, Lisa Nowak seems to have thought things out pretty well, so apparently she listened to that thought which said, “Get rid of your rival,” and went ahead and acted on it. What kind of a person does that? Why would you put your life/freedom on the line like that? I can’t think of any reaon why I’d be willing to lose my family and/or my freedom, just to have the affections of someone else. Why can’t people just let go of these fancies and move on? It’s not too hard to do. At least it’s not for me. Does that make me an anomaly? I dunno… I hope not.

Now, granted, the above situation is based purely on emotion. So, logic would dictate that clear, rational, moral-thinking would straighten things up. But, a recent article I read in Time magazine showed that there is a definite connection between emotion and rational thinking. This may seem like an absurd notion, at first, but after reading and re-reading the article, it suddenly becomes clearer why some people that we tend to think are rational (this could even include yourself) could possibly make incredibly dumb decisions that make sense to them at that particular time. I suppose that the only solace I have from the frightening implications of these two articles is that I tend to calm down before I make my decisions. After I’ve made my decisions I tend to think about said decision a second time after that as well. Now, this process may be flawed, in that that it takes a while for me to make a decision, but I think that I can be reasonably assured that my decisions are not emotionally charged and irrational. That’s my own theory on the matter, anyway…

A milestone reached

Well, today Wednesday, 7 Feb. 2007, marks week four (roughly 25% complete!) that I’ve been deployed. Four down, twelve more to go! The total deployment will probably be longer than that, but you have to set goals, right? Babysteps. Anyway, here are a few pics that I took the other night.
First, this is what I’m planning on making the title of this collection of blogs:

This is a collection of the laundry tags that are attached to our clothing when we receive our laundry from the cleaner. Tags go on everything. Each sock, each towel (and they’re hard to get off w/o pulling the terry cloth fibers out of the towel fabric), and at least one on every loose piece of clothing, though I have found two on one a few times.

Here’s how many I was able to collect after 3-4 pick ups.
I was going to concoct a story about waking up covered with the tags and have some pretty funny photos of that, but figured it would take too much time to set them on my face and then try to snap a picture. Eh, some other time, perhaps. I’ve got 3 more months of shenanigans to pull over here.  

Switching gears: Friday, I went for my weekly haircut and told the guy, “Just skin on the sides, don’t touch the top,” to which he replied, “Okay, high ‘n’ tight, right?” I figured it was the same, but at the end of my haircut, Mr. “High-n-Tight, Right?” took his clippers and zipped them right over the top of my head. Dang! There went a week’s worth of hair growth in 3 second’s time. Oh well, it’ll grow back, right? Here’s the finished product:

And speaking of growing. I’ve decided to play ”The Game” and I am growing a moustache! OK, now it won’t be Magnum P.I.-impressive, and I’m hoping that it’ll be more than just a few long whiskers (yuck-O!)… But, in an effort to ensure that it turns out correctly, by the month of March, I’m starting now. Weekly progress will be shown, along with hair-growth. This should be an interesting run. hahaha!!! I can’t help but think back to that hilarious movie, Super Troopers where ‘Thorny’ Ramathorn asks his sex-crazed European guests, “Who wants a moustache ride?” Oh my goodness… If you’ve not seen this movie, please do… I wonder… What would I look like as a Trooper?

Well, that’s about it for today. I’ve been thinking of putting together a “You know you’ve been deployed too long when:” or even a little “Why do people:” set of questions/statements… I’ve got some interesting ones… I may even do a blog entry about “Playing Texas Hold ‘Em”, since we’re having some fun here while doing that. For now, though, I’ll go back to chillaxin’ in my room, readin’ a book or two…

‘Til next time…   

Topic 1: Daydreaming

If ‘daydreaming is the brain’s default setting’ when it’s not busy, then my mind probably spends too much time idling. Seriously. I find that unless I’m actively engaged in something terribly interesting, and I do mean to infer that that something has to really grab my attention, then chances are that I’ll find myself wandering from whatever’s going on to some imaginary conversation with the person I’m sitting with or dreaming up the 13 different ways a certain scenario can end. I mention 13 because 13 is typically associated with bad luck and badly is usually how said scenarios usually end in my mind (I suppose this is why I’m such an overly cautious person).

Topic 2: A Dream

For some reason, I had an awkward dream about Robin Williams and morality the other night. What these two have in common, I really can’t say, but I think the reason they were both paired-up in my mind is because if someone were needed to talk about a difficult subject matter to a wide audience, I think Robin Williams would be the person to do so (see his video–it’s great!). Anyway, the dream is as follows: My dream began with a newscaster announcing that Farrah Fawcett likes to strip nude at theaters (yeah, again, no idea where that came from). Then, a second story, or maybe it was the same, showed a picture of Robin Williams, dressed in a revealing, see-through, white fish-net evening gown that left nothing to the imagination–and I do mean nothing–doing some sort of Marilyn Monroe-esque hoochie-coochie dance. Well, right about 3 seconds into the act, my dream flashed over to a performing arts theater. On-stage, in front of thick, red, velvet curtains, was Robin Williams, this time, dressed in a bloated costume that was skin-colored, had a weird, bulging, wrinkled head, jutting out of the costume’s mid-section, with a long, trunk-like nose. The stage was set as if the speaker was giving a speech to an auditorium, with little round cocktail tables people (men) were sitting at. This “thing” that was giving the speech was, in my mind, a demon, of sorts. Not evil, but certainly responsible for the less-than-noble thoughts that run rampant through a man’s mind when he thinks of women. I suppose I can even state that the ‘demon’ was a humanized form of the male reproductive system–yes, I know, again, weird. Anyway, this speech was directed toward the men in the ‘auditorium’ on-stage, and was really about all the things we, as men, do, say, or think about women, that may be considered foul, and trying to make the audience understand that these things were unacceptable and should be stopped. Right as the ‘demon’ was reaching the height of the speech, a man walks up behind the demon, reaches around, and grabs the nude brows of the demon, which apparently look like female breasts and starts squeezing them and making honking sounds. The demon gets all blustered, panics, and throws the aggravator off and preaches a sermon to the man for his sins. At this point I awoke.

Topic 3: My days…

The routine is becoming easier and I can speak of a few little guilty pleasures that I’ve been able to enjoy. Movies on Tuesday, Friday and Saturday are a regular for me, unless I’ve seen them already, which means I get to relax in my room and read. Thus far I’ve been able to watch: The Guard, Turistas, Eragon, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, and The Descent. Those who know me well know that I am not a fan of horror flicks, but I actually enjoyed Turistas and The Descent. Turistas wasn’t too bad a movie, it just seemed to drag on and I was wondering what the movie was about for the first 45 minutes. The Descent was a pretty good watch and I liked it, all the way until the end, which made no damn sense, but didn’t really spoil the movie. Texas Chainsaw Massacre is showing this week, so maybe I’ll go see that, tomorrow. Oh! And poker, Texas Hold ‘Em is now a weekly activity. The winnings are sponsored by the Community Activities Center and no funds are put forth by the members, so it’s a win-win situation no matter how you look at it. It’s fun, too. (An update to Texas Hold ‘em: Apparently, I really suck at this game, right now. Last night I was out by the 4th or 5th hand! Second one out. Damn trip Kings!!!)

Topic 4: A song

Some songs just reach right into you and You Don’t Know Me (Originally by Ray Charles, this version as sung by Harry Connick, Jr.) reaches right into my soul… I have this loaded on my mp3 player, and whenever I reach it, I will invariably spend about 30 minutes playing and replaying this song. I suggest you give it a listen, if you have the time or inclination to do so… You give your hand to me
Then you say hello
And I can hardly speak
My heart is beating so
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well
But you don’t know me
Ooh no
You don’t know the one
Who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips
Longs to hold you tight
I’m just a friend
That’s all I’ve ever been
Cause you don’t know me
For I never knew the art of making love
Though my heart aches with love for you
Afraid and shy I let my chance go by
The chance that you might love me too
You give your hand to me
Then you say goodbye
I watch you walk away beside the lucky guy
You’ll never never know
The one who loves you so
Well you don’t know me
Oh I never knew the art of making love
Though my heart aches with love for you
Afraid and shy I let my chance go by
The chance that you might love me too
You give your hand to me
Then you say goodbye
I watch you walk away beside the lucky guy
Oh you will never know
The one who loves you so
Cause you don’t know me
Oh no you don’t know me
Oohh…you don’t know me